[Ringer watches FDR. She's pretty sure he doesn't understand the situation with Razor. Of course, she's not sure she doesn't either. He loved her; he betrayed her; he loved her still; he set her free. It's why things with Alpha were complicated. She could feel those emotions lingering. That she still loved Razor meant sometimes she maybe cared too much about her boss, the one who she knew didn't care so strongly for her. They were on the same page so long as she kept those feelings in check, at least.
But she doubts that any of this is worth explaining, that FDR understands enough to feel included without having to admit to such vulnerabilities. It's a selfish choice and she feels like she's failing at opening up as she set out to do, but some around are far too raw.
Ringer's trying. Why FDR is pushing so hard is something she can't understand - what benefit is there to him? But she wants it, she knows that. Some part of her craves and needs it in a way she would never have thought possible before her Squad and before Razor. So she's trying.
She's quiet when he is. After he speaks, she reaches out to set a hand on his drumming fingers, to stop the monotonous noise and help settle him. He likes touch and it doesn't bother her so much to engage in controlled contact. This is hard for both of them.
She doesn't address his remark about this being a trap. Vosch would ensure it was so elaborate, more interested in breaking her mind and spirit than in placating or destroying her. As if Razor wasn't cruel enough of a trap.]
I didn't really have friends before the Arrival. Then I spent almost a year with my Squad, all day every day. Months with Razor. [She pauses, trying to think how to explain.] I don't know how to rely on someone who I only see sporadically. How can I watch your back when I don't know where you are most of the time?
183, action - tag from Brussels
But she doubts that any of this is worth explaining, that FDR understands enough to feel included without having to admit to such vulnerabilities. It's a selfish choice and she feels like she's failing at opening up as she set out to do, but some around are far too raw.
Ringer's trying. Why FDR is pushing so hard is something she can't understand - what benefit is there to him? But she wants it, she knows that. Some part of her craves and needs it in a way she would never have thought possible before her Squad and before Razor. So she's trying.
She's quiet when he is. After he speaks, she reaches out to set a hand on his drumming fingers, to stop the monotonous noise and help settle him. He likes touch and it doesn't bother her so much to engage in controlled contact. This is hard for both of them.
She doesn't address his remark about this being a trap. Vosch would ensure it was so elaborate, more interested in breaking her mind and spirit than in placating or destroying her. As if Razor wasn't cruel enough of a trap.]
I didn't really have friends before the Arrival. Then I spent almost a year with my Squad, all day every day. Months with Razor. [She pauses, trying to think how to explain.] I don't know how to rely on someone who I only see sporadically. How can I watch your back when I don't know where you are most of the time?